if only

if only love had left me
when i asked it to
instead of lingering
like a scar
from a past
forgotten injury.

if only love had left me
when i screamed
for her to go.

“i do not want you anymore,
your companionship is painful to me,
when you are here
when you are gone.
so, go,
and maybe soon
i will forget
that time or this
that smile or kiss.”

but she, refused to leave me.
standing sadly,
in the background
in the shadows,
in the hidden corners

of my mind.
whispering, whispering
barely audible words
in the background
in the shadows,
in the hidden corners
of my mind.

“remember, remember when…”
replacing remember we
with remember you.
“remember when you laughed over your sorrow?

remember how I helped you through?
I will not help you anymore.
No, not again, no not again.
but I will evermore remind you of the days I did.

so down a lonely road, you go alone
because I fill a space in you,
which would be filled by another
if I would go.
but I will never go.
no, I will never go.”

if only love had left me
when I asked it to.
i cannot ask again.
i cannot, no, not again.

Sleeping With Macbeth

Excerpts #1











I'll Know
 
I'll know
I no longer love you
When my phone rings
And I no longer hope
For it to be you
But I do.
For now, I do.

I'll know
I no longer love you
When I no longer need
To hold a pillow
When I fall asleep
But I do.
For now, I do.

 For now, I do.
A phone, a bed
A breakfast plate
For now, I do.
A book, a song
A broken date
For now, I do.

For now, I do
A hidden hope
Inside a prayer
For now, I do
As days rush on
And chances fade
For now, I do.